Asosiy ma’lumotlar

  • Vaziyat «normal» va har bir bolaga sodir bo‘ladi — doktor Sasha Hall
  • Ota-onalarning aralashuvi uzoq muddatda yordam bermaydi
  • Do‘stlik bolalar uchun taxminan 5–7 yoshda ahamiyatli bo‘la boshlaydi

Keng tarqalgan vaziyat

Kuzda bolalar maktabdan tug‘ilgan kunlarga taklifnomalar olib kela boshlaydi va bola taklif qilinmasa nima qilish kerakligi haqidagi savol CBeebies Parenting Download podkastining bir sonida muhokama qilinadi. Ta’lim va bolalar psixologi Sasha Hall, uch yoshli o‘g‘il va besh yoshli qizning onasi, bunday vaziyatni «to‘liq normal» deb ataydi va afsuski, u barcha bolalarga sodir bo‘lishini qayd etadi. Komediyachi va yozuvchi Kariad Lloyd, ikki farzandning onasi, bola uchun bu «og‘ir» holat ekanligini qo‘shadi: «Ular kichkina bo‘lganda, bu birinchi sevgiga o‘xshaydi... hamma narsa juda o‘tkir seziladi, ayniqsa bayramlar bilan bog‘liq bo‘lganda. Hammada kamida bir marta taklifnoma bo‘lmagan».

Aralashmaslik, balki muammoga qarshi kurashishni o‘rgatish

Hall so‘zlariga ko‘ra, ota-onalarga aralashmoqchi bo‘lishi mumkin bo‘lsa-da, uzoq muddatda bu yordam bermaydi. «Biz barcha to‘siqlarni olib tashlay olmaymiz, lekin ularga muammoga qarshi kurashish ko‘nikmalarini bera olamiz», — dedi u va bu bolaning chidamliligini rivojlantirish haqida ekanligini, vaziyat natijasini o‘zgartirish emasligini ta’kidladi.

Muqobil variant va istiqbol

Hall bolaning e’tiborini boshqa tomonga qaratish uchun muqobil mashg‘ulot rejalashtirishni taklif qiladi: boshqa do‘st topib, boshqa narsa qilish. Lloyd boshlang‘ich maktabda bu qanchalik tez-tez sodir bo‘lsa, uni tushuntirish shunchalik oson bo‘lishini qayd etadi: bolalarni ba’zi bayramlarga taklif qilishadi, ba’zilariga esa yo‘q, va vaqt o‘tishi bilan bu drama bo‘lib qolmaydi — bolalar «navbatga turadi».

Ish bolada emas

Hall bolaga bu qaror uning o‘zi bilan bog‘liq emasligini tushuntirishni maslahat beradi: besh-yetti yoshlilarda hali ular «yomon» degan tasavvur yo‘q va ehtimol sabab boshqa narsada. Lloyd misol keltiradi: «Ular bayramga 20 bolani sig‘dira olmaydi, shuning uchun olti nafarni taklif qilishadi va siz ro‘yxatga kirmadingiz». Hall sabablar ko‘p bo‘lishi mumkinligini qo‘shadi — ota-onalarning o‘z bolalik tajribasidan tortib, xayolparast bolaga yordam berish uchun katta bayram qilish istagigacha.

Do‘stlik vaqt talab qiladi

Hall do‘stlik chuqur ma’noni kattaroq bolalarda kasb etishini eslatadi: ikki yosh atrofida boshqalarga qiziqish parallel o‘yinda namoyon bo‘ladi, uch-besh yoshda tanlov qilish ijtimoiy motivatsiyasi paydo bo‘ladi, taxminan besh-yetti yoshda esa do‘stlik barqaror va ahamiyatli bo‘la boshlaydi. U kattalar haqidagi tadqiqotga havola qiladi: tanishlardan do‘stlarga o‘tish 40–60 soat vaqtni oladi, yaxshi do‘stgacha — 200 soat. «Siz soft play’ga borgan va bola boshqasini ikki marta ko‘rgan bo‘lsa, bu allaqachon do‘st deb hisoblash mumkin emas», — deb xulosa qildi u. Qo‘shimcha maslahatlar CBeebies Parenting YouTube-kanalida e’lon qilinadi.

A little girl aged five to seven wearing a light blue T-shirt, sitting at a desk drawing with a green pencil and resting her head on one handImage source, Getty Images
Image caption,

Being left off the party list is a sad time for little ones but there are ways to help

A professional photograph of Dr Sasha Hall with long dark wavy hair over one shoulder wearing a white checked blazer and sitting in a home with blinds and plants in the background. She is resting her chin on her hand,Image source, Emma Pharaoh
Image caption,

Dr Sasha Hall says not being invited to a birthday party is going to happen to our children at some point

Cariad Lloyd on the left with shoulder length light brown hair and a light blue stripey shirt and Dr Sasha Hall with long dark wavy hair wearing a white button up long sleeve top. They are standing close side by side in front of a red curtain
Image caption,

Cariad Lloyd and Dr Sasha Hall joined CBeebies Parenting Download

A woman with short brown hair in a bob smiling, she is wearing gold hoop earrings and a blue blouse. The background is blurred but features a large green tree. Person lying on their side on a padded treatment table with their head resting on a foam pillow. The person is wearing a checked button-up shirt and a wristwatch, with arms folded across the torso. The pillow is positioned on a folded towel. The window blinds in the background are drawn.