Psychotherapist explains how to punish a child without harming their psyche

Punishment as a tool, not an outlet

Clinical psychologist, family psychotherapist and expert at the Doctor TV channel Tatyana Kotovich told Gazeta.Ruhow to set boundaries for a child without harming their psyche. According to her, children are not born with built-in knowledge of rules: the idea of what is acceptable is formed through praise, support and clear prohibitions from adults. Prohibitions and understandable consequences for breaking them are necessary — they help the child build cause-and-effect connections and learn self-control. However, restrictive measures must not become a way for parents to release accumulated stress.

What the psychotherapist recommends

Before reacting to a misdeed, it is important for adults to analyze their own state: shouting and physical force often become an automatic flash of irritation. For punishment to serve an educational role, Kotovich advises taking a pause and a deep breath, assessing whether sanctions actually change the child's behavior, formulating clear and short conditions, staying consistent, and sticking to the stated terms. 'Mindfulness, understanding the purpose of the punishment, predictability, the absence of rudeness, and parental consistency give the child an understanding of the rules and the boundaries of their independence,' she emphasized.

Which methods are the most traumatic

The expert named parental ignoring as the most traumatic childhood experience: shutting a child out of communication and rejection lower self-esteem and leave deep fears. Shouting, name-calling and humiliation are no less dangerous — they create feelings of guilt and retaliatory aggression. Physical force violates bodily boundaries and, according to the psychologist, launches a scenario of violence in the child's own adult family later on. Threats and blackmail such as 'I'll get the belt now' have the opposite effect: first they cause anxiety, then a desire to do everything out of spite. 'If a parent turns upbringing into continuous punishment whose meaning is unclear to the child, this will lead either to neurosis or contribute to the development of a mental disorder,' Kotovich warned.

What to do in case of a serious misdeed

In case of a serious violation, the first rule for parents is to maintain outward calm. The situation should be discussed one-on-one, evaluating the specific action rather than the child's personality, and without comparing them to other children. 'Take a pause, and then in a calm conversation discuss what can be done to fix the situation,' the psychologist advises. The article is based on comments from a single expert; the publication does not present independent research on the effectiveness of these recommendations.