The key facts
- Research links 'negative' names to romantic rejection, lower self-esteem and academic results
- Psychologists: a name is an important part of identity, but one's attitude toward it can change
- The protagonists developed strategies: humor, choosing a name depending on context
Names that drew mockery
Louise Pain, who grew up in Australia, hated her surname from childhood: peers teased her, and a school teacher refused to believe that 'Pain' was her real surname and demanded she write her 'real' one. Jokes followed her even after she moved to Germany. Another protagonist of the story, 54-year-old Tiny, grew up in Greece: her parents adapted the name to 'Tinie', but people constantly asked what her 'real' name was. Recently, two elderly aunts introduced her to acquaintances as 'Charitini' — a common Greek name.
What the research says
Psychoanalyst Mikita Brottman noted that a name is vital to one's sense of identity, and embarrassment over a name can become embedded in the personality. Research on 'name bias' links negatively perceived names to romantic rejection, lower academic results, self-esteem, and more frequent smoking. Personality psychologist Jochen Gebauer explained that names work as 'signals' when meeting people; their effect can accumulate over a lifetime and lead to 'real, measurable advantages and disadvantages'. In a study by sociologist Anthony Lee (UK), less familiar names were rated on a scale that included 'oddness' — this helps explain negative evaluations of hard-to-pronounce or culturally unfamiliar names. According to Lee, a name can trigger inaccurate assumptions about intelligence, competence, reliability, sociability and attractiveness.
Context changes perception
In her teens, Pain began learning French — her father's language — and discovered that 'pain' in French means 'bread': acquaintances started calling her 'Louise Bread'. After moving to Germany, the jokes became mostly 'bread-related' rather than harsh as in Australia, which, she says, helped her feel better about her surname.
Humor as a strategy
With age, both protagonists developed strategies. Tiny sometimes introduces herself: 'Hi, I'm Tiny. It's a name, not a statement' — this usually wards off awkward questions. Pain, too, embraced humor: she joked that she should become a doctor or a dominatrix so she could be called 'Doctor Pain' or 'Mistress Pain'. Now, she says, people perceive the surname as 'funny and cute', a conversation starter.
Acceptance — not everywhere and not always
Psychoanalyst Melissa Daum noted that names can evoke the whole range of feelings — from shame to pride, and what was once a source of embarrassment can become a marker of uniqueness, history or belonging. For Pain, childhood experiences have not fully disappeared: she does not want to pass the surname on to future children, but believes her father would be deeply hurt if the children bore a different surname — the surname connects her to him and to her French heritage. Tiny speaks of an ambivalent attitude: she has accepted the name and the sense of uniqueness, but avoids it on dating apps ('Tiny can send the wrong signal') and in her work email. Pain uses the Germanized French word for 'bread' as a surname on social media. According to Daum, choosing one's own name is 'an act of mastery', a rejection of one's original passivity. Pain once wanted to change her surname, and Tiny in her thirties considered using her middle name — but in the end neither gave up her name. Tiny admits she may carry it all her life: 'I suppose it's rather nice, in the end, to become a grandmother named Tiny.'
