The key facts

  • Refusal to go to school may mean fear of separation, fear of the teacher, difficulties with assignments, conflicts with classmates, or fear of not making it to the toilet in time
  • The psychologist advises not to mock fears or shame the child, but to acknowledge their feelings
  • If refusal to attend school persists for more than a week, along with sleep and appetite disturbances and tantrums, help from a child psychologist or psychiatrist is needed

Reasons for refusing school

A first-grader's refusal to go to school does not always indicate a serious problem, but it is important for parents to find out what exactly is causing the child anxiety, Anastasia Kuzmina, a clinical psychologist at SM-Clinica for Children, told Gazeta.Ru. According to her, the phrase 'I don't want to go to school' may mean fear of separation from mom, fear of the teacher, difficulties with assignments, a conflict with classmates, or fear of not making it to the toilet in time.

How to talk to the child

The psychologist advises talking about this in the evening, when the child is calm, rather than in the morning before leaving. Instead of the general question 'What happened?', you can ask at which moment of the school day it is hardest for them and what could help. According to Kuzmina, one should not mock fears, shame the child, or compare them with other first-graders: phrases like 'you're already big' and 'everyone goes, and you're being capricious' increase anxiety. It is more helpful to acknowledge the feelings: 'I see that you are scared and it's hard for you, but we will think together about how to cope.' At the same time, she noted, sympathy does not mean that the child needs to be kept home at every tear.

Regular attendance and working with the teacher

The longer school avoidance continues, the harder it can be to return, the psychologist emphasized. If the child is physically healthy and nothing threatens them at school, it is important to maintain regular attendance. Kuzmina recommends talking with the teacher: perhaps the child finds it hard to enter the classroom alone, does not understand the assignments, is afraid to answer, or is left without company during breaks. Sometimes an arrangement helps whereby in the morning the first-grader is met by a familiar adult, and during the day they can turn to the teacher or the school psychologist. With pronounced anxiety, the return to a full school day is sometimes organized gradually together with a specialist and the school.

Rest and praise for effort

After lessons, the child needs time not only for homework but also for free play, movement, and rest. In the first months, the psychologist added, it is better not to fill every evening with clubs. It is important for parents to praise not only grades but also specific efforts: entering the classroom on their own, asking for help, getting to know a classmate, or coping with anxiety.

When to see a specialist

Stomach aches, headaches, nausea, and a racing heart before school may be manifestations of anxiety rather than pretending, Kuzmina warned. However, recurring physical complaints should first be discussed with a pediatrician. If refusal to go to school persists for more than a week, intensifies, or is accompanied by sleep disturbances, appetite problems, frequent tantrums, and constant low mood, help from a child psychologist or psychiatrist is necessary.